Un-break my heart

Real talk

Gumzki

“When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal.” – Author Unknown

We have all experienced this before, a feeling of great sadness, feeling of disappointment. A feeling that seems like it will never end at the time of a heartbreak. In the words of Kenneth-Babyface-Edmonds, like a jigsaw puzzle your heart feels like it’s been torn all apart.

Some people cope well with heartbreaks, but probably just on the face of it, by going to the gym, doing a sport or going out dancing. A good number of us, however, don’t know how to deal with heartbreaks. We cry ourselves to sleep, thinking about vengeance, turning to comfort foods, getting into rebound relationships, or even turn to substances that eh, alter reality, if only for a…

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Get Back Up and Try Again

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Yesterday I went for an experiential class (This is one of those classes where you are given a task that seems random and asked to derive lessons from it), and it was such an amazing experience; It was fun, tested us on different aspects of our lives, but most of all, it helped us know some aspects of our lives. I was able to see my strengths and weaknesses. It also taught me to learn to focus on the strengths, not the weaknesses.

It is said that life is more about how you react to situations and not really what happens to you. It will knock you down, turn you around and spin you. But will you stand?

Let me give you a little story.

This year has been a great year. I have really grown as a person and I consider everything that’s happened to me as a blessing. But it wasn’t so for most parts of the year.

I had plans; things I wanted to do and goals I that had set which I was working toward. For a while, things went on well, but then one major disappointment happened. I began to lose focus of all the good because of this one bad thing. I started to focus on my bad situation and not my strengths, leading me to feel inadequate, almost to a point of beating myself up. Worse off, it was an area in my life where I had experienced immense failure before. It also affected my input on other areas of my life.

But there were lessons in there – great ones.

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In the experiential class, we did an exercise that seemed so simple. Moving people from one line to the next and vice versa while following certain rules. What began as fun became frustrating at some point. We tried to come up with solutions and it wasn’t until someone told us to “Just Do It and stop overthinking,” that we started moving again. We went back a few times but we were able to complete it. We also worked as a team based on our strengths.

I am not good at admin work. I struggle with making systematic plans. Normally, my strength lies in seeing the big picture then working toward that. In the situation above, I was working toward a goal best way I knew how; learning and adapting. Until it was required of me to lay out a systematic plan. From that point, I felt like a failure coz I didn’t have the answers that were being sought.

But I’m learning that it’s okay to not be good at everything. We all have strengths and God will use that and bring along people to complement our weaknesses.

We also need to be patient with other people’s weaknesses and appreciate their strengths then work together. Great achievements are obtained in teams, we can’t all be great at everything.

Keep moving: In the exercise, every time we stood still or focused on what was going wrong, we stopped moving forward. ut when we started to focus on how to rectify mistakes and keep moving forward, that’s when we completed the exercise. Maybe in my situation, if we focused on moving and not trying to find solutions then maybe the story would be different.

Appreciate the milestones. It wasn’t until I saw the growth in myself that I began to let go. A few months ago I was on a mission because of dance. That was when I learnt to appreciate the good in the moment, even if it was a small light in the darkness because the closer you get to the light, the bigger and brighter it becomes. This had been an amazing year, especially in my career and finances (Weird saying that considering the current political situation in my country). I almost lost sight of that because I had zoomed in on the negative.

Finally, It is okay to go back to the drawing board. In that exercise, every time we were stuck, we’d say “Okay, this isn’t working, let’s go back and start again.” However, every time we went back, we were better off than the last time because we had lessons, we knew what was not going to work and it helped us because we didn’t repeat it. In my situation, I’ve had to go back to the drawing board. Yes, it sucks, but there are lessons too. I do not regret the experience nor the failure (Maybe just one element in the failure), but I now know one more thing that won’t work. I’m a better person for it and I can’t wait to see the end because though I’m back to the start, I’m wiser and closer than ever to attaining my goal.

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So NEVER QUIT. Get back up and keep moving forward. There are amazing treasures ahead if only you dare to try. Love yourself and see the good in yourself. I used to think “I need to work on my weaknesses.” But now I believe in asking for help: Getting someone better than myself to do that which I can’t do as I work on my strengths because that way, we will move faster and I will learn from them how to overcome our weaknesses.

ION: My amazing little dancers #DoubleDigits came second in the #WestgateTalentSearch. Please leave a comment congratulating them. 🙂

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Photo of me dancing courtesy of 3Clyckz Photography. Click here to see more of his photos or follow him on IG @Evynmurry

Lighting was done by blacklight media. Follow them on IG @black_light_media_Ltd

I Dare to Dream

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Hi There.

Have you ever had a near impossible dream? Like those visions that you tell people and they think you have gone nuts? Or they discourage you?

Well, That’s me.

I do not know if it is because I’m a creative, or a Mel (I have finally accepted that I am) or that I believe that somehow God has something great in store for me, but I’m the kind of guy who dreams, and I dream big;

  • I dream of using dance to initiate change, give hope and inspire.
  • I dream of not only earning from dance but employing as well as being able to support my future family with it.
  • I dream of the day dance will be used as a tool of ministry that is not only acceptable but understandable.
  • I dream of having a dance school that won’t be just about talent development but character and leadership development as well.

So, yes, I AM A DREAMER.

And so as a result, I move based on faith.

A friend of mine, Esther Kazungu (Wassuup! She has an amazing youtube channel btw, click here) once sent me a video of these adorable little kids dancing, and immediately I went and searched for Matt Steffanina. Yo! Sema kuwa challenged. I was amazed at how one person could influence the lives of so many kids. I wanted that.

I wanted that.

I desired that.

So I started my research. I went back to his first classes where he had a handful of people. This gave me hope to keep dreaming, and I think that is one of those things that really kick started my passion for teaching (Cartoon voice, Thanks, Kaz)

Well, there’s been a dance camp by Amani Ya Juu Foundation this week for the children of the ladies who are part of this foundation (I love their work, how they empower ladies is something I admire). There were a little under 70 kids from the ages of 5-17, divided into 3 classes.

Now, my work was to choreograph and oversee the dance sessions, (It being mission based and it had slightly more activities than your typical dance camp). So, after a whole week of training, today I finally got to see the whole thing come together.

And it was beautiful.

It wasn’t at Matt’s level definitely, but seeing that many kids share one stage for me was heartwarming. It isn’t a dance school, it isn’t the final product, but it’s a start. And a bright future lies ahead…

So, dare to dream, and start walking. You might just be surprised.

Shout out to Brian Odinga, Steven Ogodo and Emma Wanjiku, my fellow instructors at the camp.

If you enjoyed the article, please share your comments below.

To check out some of my work, please visit my Youtube Channel https://www.youtube.com/samuregz

Change

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But over the past few years, I have also been resistant to change. I have worked so hard to maintain who I am and keep enjoying the fruits of my success that it has stopped me from really becoming who I ought to be.

Life is made up of seasons. In primary school, the behaviour at that point is that of a primary school kid. As you grow, you become better to a point you think you know everything because you are the top of the food chain. You develop a sense of arrogance to your peers as you feel you have no more to learn, both academically and behaviorally.

Then you move to the next phase of life: high school and you realise all that ego you had needs to change. Probably this is where personality also changes. You were the outspoken one then you meet people who put you in your place. “Sit down son,” they say. Again you start the journey of self-discovery, discovering your strengths as you work on your weaknesses. And that cycle continues through college/university, work, promotion, changing of jobs etc.

I have been that arrogant fool for a while now. I found my purpose in life (Or so I believe) and I think I developed an attitude where no one could tell me anything. I started to develop pride and got comfortable in who I was. With applause coming left right and centre, a constant source of income coming from my passion and growth at every turn, I had made it. Mama, I made it.

Then God happened. Seasons started to change and growth is needed. Suddenly, I find myself at a place I’m being told, “Sit down son.” It’s uncomfortable. It’s scary. But it’s necessary.

So why is change so hard?

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  1. I feel entitled. Yes. just because I have made it this far doesn’t mean I’m where I need to be. I need to drop this to be able to see my flaws, work on them and learn.
  2. My need to understand. Sometimes that change is necessary but this desire to understand how the universe works slows me down.
  3. I’m scared
  4. I keep driving while looking in the rear view mirror. Mistakes can be lessons, but they can at times cause you to fear.
  5. Fear
  6. Over-emphasis on who I am, not who I need to be. Have you ever found yourself saying “But this is who I am,” “This is my personality” Maybe this is what stops us from becoming who we need to be?

So yes, how do we over come this?

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  1. Trust God. To change who we are to who we ought to be, we need to return this “gadget” back to the manufacturer. This is more so if your path is in line with His.
  2. Be proactive. Every season in life can be seen from a far. Planning ahead can help reduce the number of times we look behind.
  3. Stop holding on to success and failure. Yes, it happened. Yes, it was painful or good. Deal with it. Move on. I know I haven’t done a good job particularly here. So I’m working on it.
  4. Focus on what you can change. There are things that we have no control over. But there are things that are within our control. I may not change the government with one vote but I can change my surrounding by how I choose to interact with it. I may not change how people react to me but I can choose to use that to build me up. I can also choose to build them up. Every word, every deed, every thought leads to a choice.
  5. Accountability. No man is an island. Someone told me that to be an accountant you need to hang out with accountants. To be what you want to be you need to surround yourself with such people. You want to be an entrepreneur? go look for them. You want to be a godly husband? start hanging out with godly husbands. You want a marriage that works? stop listening to Maina and King’angi and start hanging out with people who have been married 5 years, 10 years, 60 years depending on where you are at in life. See their struggles. see how they deal with it. See how they do not quit. Coz winners do not hang out with quitters.

There are more that one can work on. This is where I choose to start from.

#ibelieve.

Photography by 3clyckz https://3clyckz.wordpress.com/

Click here to check out my latest video on youtube

Behind the scenes: The Dark Side 

I’m a dreamer. I dare to go to places that are uncharted especially if I believe in my heart that God is sending me there. And guess what, on most days, this is awesome.

By pursuing a career in dance and as I figure out how this will play out in the bigger picture of my passion for missions, I have had great milestones. I’ve traveled out of the country, (My passport is almost full😄), I have met people I never thought in a million years I’d meet and I’m paying my bills with my passion. I mean, the future keeps looking brighter and brighter. That’s the life, isn’t it?

Well, with every hill there’s a valley. For me, these are some of the dark moments that normally linger with art-prenuership.

1. It feels lonely at times. So I work when everyone else is free and I’m more likely to have time when everyone else is busy. Let’s just say my social skills have diminished somewhat in the last 5 years. I used to be an extrovert. Recently I took a test and found that I’m 75% introverted and worse I’m a logician, meaning I place logic on emotions.

Now, this has had its side effects. Imagine having a simple conversation where someone wants to know how your day was. But that simple question ends up feeling like a jigsaw puzzle and the way I answer it isn’t quite simple. I often come out as a person who doesn’t want to talk, yet here I am trying…

Now that’s a normal day for me. A simple bonding question normally feels like a mathematical equation. My answers normally come without any feelings and I seem to at times be snobbish, yet I have tried. This makes it really hard to relate to people. It’s easier planning an event that will give me tonnes of stress than to sit down for a normal chat.

So here’s the downside. People never understand you. You rarely have anyone around to celebrate the success or to let your frustrations go. People rarely seem to stay beyond seasons. The good thing, however, is that having read a few articles on entrepreneurship, and having learnt this in my entrepreneurship class, it’s not an uncommon thing, meaning I’m not the only one. Delayed gratification, probably, but I believe that somewhere on the horizon lies hope.

2. Highs are really high and lows are really low. I don’t have a “normal day”. Each day comes with its own unique challenges depending on what I’m doing. This year I did an event and this was the first time I was also working consistently; coming from a class, heading to practice, planning etc. Now the adrenaline you face in such circumstances is beyond normal, but then when you crash, it’s bad.

For this event, I was trying a new concept with dance, something I hadn’t seen, at least not here in Kenya. There weren’t many people I could go to for advice in the hard times, so when the trying moments came, Murphy’s Law kicked in: everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong.

But we never quit, do we? The concert was a huge success, but I was too fatigued to have the strength to celebrate.

3. Being a perfectionist, it’s easy to get lost in what went wrong and not appreciate what was good. Let’s use the event as an example. I saw so many cracks that I had started to beat myself up. It wasn’t until a few people whom I trust their judgment pointed out to all the good things that I began to appreciate how successful the event was, and that it achieved its intended target.

Problem is, all too often I approach life the same way. I rarely get to enjoy the simple pleasures of life as I focus too much on what’s not going right. I’m learning what it means to take it a day at a time. Sit down, drink some coffee and just let your mind see the good things around you.

Easier said than done, but it’s all about taking a day at a time.

4. Failure becomes a reality. This has so far been the biggest reality check.

You cannot grow without learning. You cannot learn without failing.

I have heard from countless successful people that it is in their failures that they grew. I’ve heard it said that we need to learn from other people’s mistakes, and I somewhat agree.

However, here’s the flip side. We all have our journey. Our paths aren’t the same and what worked for one may not work for another. It took me 3 years before I consistently earned from my art. Before that, tried and failed, tried again and failed again. But if I hadn’t failed, I wouldn’t have picked up the lessons necessary to be where I am today.

Problem is, no matter how well you package failure, it will always hurt.



5. No one ever seems to understandNot even the closest people to you ever seem to truly grasp what’s in your head. Some may support you but factor in point one it’s a difficult one to handle.

I am honestly praying for the one who chooses to live the rest of her life with me. She will have a ball, but she will also need grace. (I love you babe in advance 😉)

6. Mental battles. This is my last one. Read an article on entrepreneurs or just have chat with one. I think our biggest battles are won in our heads.

For me to come out and say I’m doing project A or I’m going to do this thing for the next season, we have probably gone through any and every battle there is. We have overcome fear, doubt, anxiety, people’s opinions and anything and everything there is to it.

And that’s why quitting is never an option once you’ve started. By that time, you’ve probably done so many battles that you ask yourself, “if I quit now, then was all that for nothing?

Depression is always at your door. For me especially, what keeps me going is the purpose, the hope of a better tomorrow.

It’s because of those dark moments that there’s light in my life. Yes, there are those things I hope would change, like my relational skills, and the loneliness. But then it’s because of who we are and what we go through that inspire us to be more, to leave an impact in the hearts of many.

We all have our dark moments. I pray that these moments will push you to greatness.

If you can relate, or if you are especially in a dark moment, drop a comment or write to me.

Click here for my latest video on youtube

Behind The Scenes: Purpose and Pain Part 2

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Live Performance at Mystery Journey season 2 where my dance was my prayer

 

Chapter 2: God

27 April 2008: It is said that there are moments that define who we become. For me, this day had one of those moments.

It was the day I got saved.

How is this relevant to my dance journey? You ask!

Well, this sequence is entitled Purpose and Pain, and to get why I dance, this is that part of the story I cannot dare leave out. So let’s dive into it.

So, in part 1, I explained that I wasn’t such a good dancer prior to this period, hard as it may be to believe! So when I got saved, that Monday i went to check out a Christian dance crew that I had heard about while in church: Youth For Christ was its name.It was here that I finally felt like I belonged, like I was home! 18 years later!

I had found a place where my height was accepted! My crazyness (lol) was accepted! My stupidity was accepted and above all, I didn’t have to be perfect! Just Me. Coming from a Christian Union that at my youth seemed judgemental, this was an important element in my christian walk with God! To me, God was just this guy who gave rules, I was starting to learn that he was also a friend, father and teacher who led. This, set me on course to the journey that led me here.

The dance team was part of a larger team that regularly met to study scripture, have fun, and eat together! Food, fun and fellowship was our mantra! I think these are what kept me going back (Truth is even more than scripture) because at that point I was skeptical of church! and for the whole of that year, it is how these young guys led their lives more than how much they preached to me that made me want to know God more.

See, I’m a practical guy, I needed to see realness, not just sermons! And here, I found that! I watched, and learnt, how to pray mainly! And started to see a real God!

We also did ministry and missions and on that year that was most of what I did, dance. (You see i was just fresh out of high school so time is what i had in plenty). It was while on a mission to Eldoret that I saw something that forever changed my life. We went as 3 guys, my friends Prince, Robbert and I: The Brotherhood is what we called ourselves. (I live with one and the other is a neighbor 8 years later! Weird huh!) We had a great time, the usual pleasantries then the concert happened!

I was shocked!

I was challenged!

I was inspired!

You know those things you only see on TV? (Back then Stomp the Yard and You Got Served were the real deal) Well, I saw in person for the first time! IN CHURCH!

Awesome, synchronized choreography, stunts! You name it!

Then if that was not enough, I saw a guy, Victor was his name, do a head spin on the lawn! Like dude, how! Now, you may be wondering why I got all excited about such things, and how that had any effect on litmus! But you see, 8 years ago, B-boy hadn’t grown as much as it has: Dance hadn’t grown as much as it has! So that was epic!

I wanted to be like them! Christians who did more with their gifts to the glory of God! To have fun in church! And to become really good in my art!

That is when I started to practice…

To be Continued!

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I hope I haven’t portrayed a perfect guy who got his purpose from the go. Truth is, it began as a kids dream and an addiction, and it wasn’t until I grew in my Christian faith and as a person that dance became bigger and the call clearer. I’m still on the journey: Learning, growing and at times, failing. I’m a work in progress. Join me as I’ll be writing part 3 soon.

Sorry this took a while, I’m in a transitional phase so I’m still working on the consistency. Hope you like this and follow.

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I am currently working on some projects, that I’ll be talking about more on my Social Media sites, i.e. Facebook, Twitter and Instagram @samuregz

Youtube: I can just be me

Events:

July 9th: Journey To Me concert at Michael Joseph Center

Behind The Scenes: Purpose and Pain Part 1

When I decided that I was going to be a full time choreographer| dancer as opposed to having a conventional 8-5 job in this fast paced world, alot of people thought I was courageous and crazy…

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Chapter 1: The Beginning

When I decided that I was going to be a full-time choreographer| dancer as opposed to having a conventional 8-5 job in this fast-paced world, a lot of people thought I was courageous and crazy and gave me their blessings.

A lot more thought I was just a stupid lost kid who didn’t know what I was doing.

So for the first time, I’ll be sharing what happens behind the scenes in my journey, which includes why I chose dance, the pain, and lessons I have derived thus far. So walk with me.

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I was a pretty good dancer in my early childhood days. One of my early memories was winning a dance off while in lower primary school. I also vividly remember my uncle, Silas Nderitu, teaching me most of what I knew then, including a bit of basic ballroom dancing (Imagine, at age 6! In Kenya haha). But that was until I changed schools when I was around class 4-5. That’s when I stopped dancing (I was around 8-9 yrs then)

Over the years, I developed what people term as 2 left feet and in high school, all I could dance to was to the crunk-music-kind-of-dance styles (Crank music was a wave that went just as fast as it had come, with Lil Jon’s snap your fingers and Soulja Boy’s song, the dance moves were pretty simple). I couldn’t even club dance and I owe a friend of mine; David Lisamadi was his name, who taught me how to shake my waist just so that if I ever thought of going to a club I wouldn’t be ashamed. This was in form four. (I never really fancied the party life, even now. And I’m a dancer! Irony?)

It wasn’t until a little over 8 years ago that I can say I started to dance. After trying out clubbing for 3-4 months and not getting that “kick”, and having also been in church for that same period, I made the choice to finally accept Christ, and one major decision I made was to change my life:

That’s when I stopped clubbing and joined a dance crew.

This, as it turned out, became one of those markers that would define my path in dance…

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To be continued

Click to see part of my dance Journey

Photo credits: 3clycks.wordpress.com
: My dad’s camera 😂😂

June 11th: Mystery Journey concert at ICC Mombasa Road
July 9th: Journey To Me concert at Michael Joseph Center

For more info, visit my Social Media pages
Instagram: @samuregz
Facebook: @samuregz
Twitter.   : @samuregz

KNEF, JIMS EXPERIENCE and RAW: The weekend that was

Hey blogging world, bloggers, music lovers and Dance lovers what’s up!

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Hey blogging world, bloggers, music lovers and Dance lovers what’s up!

Forgive my enthusiasm, well, after all, I am only in my second week of blogging and only my 3rd post 🙌🙌

I love dance and music, so for me this weekend was pure awesomeness. I looked forward to it in more ways than one.

Unfortunately I wasn’t able to go for one event, the KNEF (Kinyua Ngeera Education Foundation) concert, so I was kinda bummed out. But I’m still going to start with it.

KNEF Concert:

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Let me start off by saying that the KNEF concerts have been my all time favourite concerts (It’s actually a tie with the Mamlaka Hill Chapel worship concerts, but that’s a story for another day). They have shaped how I view art (music in particular) in the church setting in the following ways.

1. Excellence: Growing up, alot of Christian art felt more like “support us coz we are Christians” and I never thought I’d find such talent in church. Moving to Mamlaka Hill Chapel, I was first challenged by the worship team.

Then KNEF happened…
Harmonies ✔
Band ✔
Voices ✔

I’ve been a fan ever since I went for their first concert in 2011. The rest, as they say, is history.

2. Focus on Christ.
3. A concert aimed at helping society, education to be specific
4. Foundation is family
5. Practice and Hard Work. The amount of time and effort put into this never ceases to amaze me.

I’ve been previleged to have danced in 2 previous concerts, so missing out on this was a tad bit painful, but as God would have it, I was to perform elsewhere.

Feedback that I got however was that it was amazing, and I can’t wait for 2017…

Sth new this year: There was a proposal 😀

THE JIMS EXPERIENCE

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MZUKA AWARDS dance event of the year 2015 was back, this year bringing together some of the best talent in Nairobi.

The top Christian dance teams came together to showcase the different dances: from the organisers ie Jims n Dims to crews like Dice, Sisko reloaded and The Band to individuals like Bboy Harry among others. The performances were awesome and I’m sure the event will also be in contention for this year’s awards.

I was also privileged to have performed in the event, sharing the stage with one amazing Bboy, Bboy Drift, and my student Izzo.

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Other performers included Robbie, Kelele Takatifu, Kris Eeh Baba while the hype men: Mc Churchboy and Pompey, together with the Djs ensured that the crowd was always on their feet when there was no performance on stage.

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Final event of the day. Happened between 6:00 pm – 8:00 pm at Nairobi Baptist.

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One amazing lady (I call her Dokas) brought together a group of amazing dancers (Among them my pals Roger ‘T’ Taracha, Paul Damiano, Joy Wambui among others) and together they pulled off an amazing show.

My favourite piece was when Dokas danced with this little girl. At that point, I wished I could see more kids dance in concerts.

There were other performances too by Yung Nnoize, Lady Kahi and the MC of the day, Junaya, did a pretty awesome job.

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Parting Shot:
This weekend was lit. Got to meet friends and enjoy great dances. Keep checking out my different social media sites for more upcoming events.

Also, please check out my latest video and tell me what you think by dropping a comment on the comments section in the video.
My 2016 Dance Promo
And if you like it, check out my other videos and subscribe 😎

For now, I’m off to sleep.
Your boy
Samuregz

Instagram @samuregz
Facebook @samuregz
Twitter @samuregz

Life’s a Dance

Life’s a dance,
Where most people see you on stage performing.
The end product, the masterpiece.
They see you move, they see you smile,
Every move, synchronized,
Intricate, complete, amazing.
Some will like, some will not.
Some will love, some will hate.
But what most people never see,
Is what happens behind the stage,
Backstage, offstage.
The pain, the tears,
The struggle, the fears.
The deadlines you had to meet,
And the times you felt “I’ll quit.”
The faith, the hope,
The times you said NO!
I won’t give up, I’ll press on.
When you fell on your knees,
Said Daddy please….
Daddy that, Daddy this.
How though bruised, injured, you danced on,
When though alone, you went on.

IMG_8775-01Now the stage is set.
Dim the lights,
Cue the music.
1-2-3… it’s on.
You got your chance, a chance to impress.
So will you do it for the crowd?
The cash? the honeys?
Or for God’s glory?
See options are there, ts for you to choose.
Coz life is one big stage,
And our lives, a dance.
So make the performance count

 

Photocredits: http://www.3clyckz.wordpress.com

One of my performances, enjoy and subscribe

My first post

Hey world,

I hope that you are good, wherever in the world you are reading this from. I’m excited to post my first blog post. Yaay

This won’t be a long one, but i hope to do more as i grow into blogging.

As i start, I’ll focus on dance and events. So feel free to critique, share and follow.

for now, let me leave you with the following dance video

Dance promo by kenyan dancer @samuregz Continue reading “My first post”